Well, gee whiz.

I think it's scary when I don't know what to do with my life.

Impersonal Observations

The shark tank is my favorite place in the aquarium. The music's electronic beat pulses through my brain. I've always thought of electronic music as water because of this place. It has a certain aura, reminding me of ocean depths; whales calling for a tryst in the bottomless black water.

The fish are alien beings behind glass. But they are at peace- they know nothing else. Their own element- comfortable, without wanting anything further. Always fixated on a goal, but holding the knowledge that they really don't have to achieve it. Their eyes wander across the glass. I can't help but wonder if they see me. If they've seen it so many times before and know my story. They know hundreds of people. They see a girl's first kiss in the basement of the aquarium. They see a child get lost; see the terror in his eyes, but never understand the look. Grandpa has a heart attack from seeing a shark so close. They observe with vague detachment. They watch the family's grief at seeing Grandpa die- but they can't comprehend. They see old lovers and young ones, and ones who don't know how to love at all. They see searchers, only there to find themselves by watching meandering and aimless paths through the water. They see desperate, crying faces glaring at them through the windows. They feel the water pressing them on all sides-keeping them alive and breathing. They don't know the feeling of suffocating in air- but why even wonder? It doesn't matter because it hasn't happened. No sense in worrying over something that might not happen. Glassy-eyed stares flicker over their surroundings.

The crowds always emerge from the depths of the aquarium, blinking in the bright light. Another world is left behind them; the music flows on as the revolving door cycles bodies through with mechanical efficiency.

Earthworm Carnage and other Miscellaneous Spring-Related Oddities

I love the first days of spring. I really do. It might be the caffeine and lack of sleep, but these days have a shimmery effect to them- like little sparklies floating in the air. And as cliché as it is, spring feels like a new beginning and a time to start fresh. It’s when I feel righteous validation in stopping the ice cream man; spring needs a celebration! It’s a time to stop in the middle of the sidewalk and smile just because the tree next to the building smells happy. It means animals are being born all over the place, and little pieces of grass poking up out of the dirt. Even the dirt smells nice…earthy and clean and like little baby earthworms.

But not everything is fun and games. The worms didn’t seem to like the wet soil very much the other day, so they all wiggled their way to the top. Along come these birds. Not even really big ones. But those worms were all dead and on their way to squiggly heaven in about five minutes. It was a worm slaughterhouse. A time of trepidation and despair for the local earthworm community. I don’t know if they have little soil sparklies like we have little air sparklies, but I’m sure those worms weren’t happy either way.

I got to see the water this afternoon. This big wide open stretch of grey blue moving stuff just sort of chillin in the middle of some land. It was nice. I love it. I love the smell and the sound of it, and I like to play in it. I usually can’t stay out of the water whenever I’m near it. True story. The only reason I didn’t wade in it today was because of the slimy green and white bubbly stuff all along the edge of the rocks. And the smell of the slimyness. Texture, et cetera. It wasn’t all that friendly-looking.

I try to stay away from things that aren’t friendly-looking.

Peace out, kids.